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You Can't Fix Stupid, But Apparently Chicken Nuggets Help

It's 12-12-12 today, which some people believe is a powerful date. In Port Arthur, Texas, the power is in the crazy.


In what sounds like an episode of "Seinfeld" or "Curb Your Enthusiasm", a hostage negotiation involved trading a gun for three cigarettes, a botched attempt to give a man a happy meal, two arrests, a school evacuation, and a suspected heart attack.


Now that we know the child hostage is in safe hands, and the suspects are in custody with no deaths resulting, we feel like we can take a second to stop refreshing our computer screens and have a much needed laugh.


To learn all the crazy details, visit The Beaumont Enterprise, but here's our re-cap:


This morning, a man took his niece hostage in a Port Arthur home while in the presence of her grandmother. After trading one of his guns for three cigarettes, he requested to be fed in exchange for giving the police another of his guns. When the police brought him a burger and fries, the man turned it down demanding chicken nuggets.


So, three cigarettes equals a gun, but not some burger and fries? What a McDiva!


Though we can all understand his request for chicken as opposed to cow (he could be Hindu, or perhaps watching his weight), when police officers complied with his request, he turned the nuggets down!


What, too cold for him?


Somewhere in the middle of all this, grandma goes to the hospital after a suspected heart attack, a nearby school is evacuated, and the man's brother is arrested (perhaps he was the one craving the nuggets and post-arrest the suspect was no longer in a munching mood?).


The whole scenario gets even more amusing if you start picturing the inevitable references in pop culture. Personally, I'm holding my breath for a 30 Rock homage which casts Tracy Jordan as the crazy man, Jenna Maroney as the niece, Jack Donaghy as the heart attack victim grandma, Kenneth Parcell as the brother who gets arrested midway through the negotiations, and Liz Lemon as the exacerbated SWAT negotiator. Trust me. It fits.


Dilara Sultan, Pt Arthur, Gunman, McNuggetsTell us your own sitcom scenario in the comments. We'll share it locally with the police officer belly dancers who protect and serve our community - after a day like today, they could certainly use a good laugh!